I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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