My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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