I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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