what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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