i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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