I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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