i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
