Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
