i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it because I queefed?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize