I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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