Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
we should paint friendship bongs
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
