i will never coherently bang her
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
