My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
