Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize