They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
