the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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