Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
