he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
