Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
