onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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