Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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