Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
