I faked an abortion last night.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
