I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
