have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
