also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
