why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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