the condom got lost in my hair
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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