i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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