I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
