it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
