So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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