I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
