ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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