So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
