Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
