Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
