Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
