Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I think my vagina is haunted
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
