it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
