We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
