OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
