Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
