After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
