mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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