After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I deserve this hangover.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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