I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize