just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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