I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
