yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize