Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
