I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
