My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
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