he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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