She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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