Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
