He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
