very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
