i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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