I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
