i permit you to call me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize